http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Twi45Hg1hG4&feature=related
This clip is about two different professionals views on same sex education. One lady believes that single sex classes would help the students focus better on their classes and that it has been proved by research that it does in fact help the students do better in school.
The other lady thinks that splitting up the classes is only a "band-aid" to what the problem really is, she believes that the problem is how the size of classes, funding of the schools, how well the teachers are trained, technology availabilty. There is evidence to prove that smaller classes and better trained teachers also helps change schools and the students grades. she says this helps students get more one-on-one time thus helping them learn better.
This video is ordinally from MSNBC news channel and both of these people are reliable sources and talk about how research backs up both of their ideas how which way education method would help the students the most. I believe that this is a good source because both women have research to back their ideas up, this helping to make their arguements stronger when there is research to support their ideas.
Daniel Tomlinson
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This clip is about two different professionals
ReplyDelete-->["Different" is usually a wasted word. In this case, referring to people, how could the professionals be the sam?]
-->professionals'
views on same sex
-->same-sex
education.
-->[At a minimum, you should clearly identify who is being interview.]
One lady
-->[Who?]
believes that single sex
-->single-sex
classes would help the students focus better on their classes
-->[Redundant: classes help students focus on classes]
and that it has been proved by research that it does
-->[Loose pronouns]
-->[Any indication of the kind of research?]
in fact help the students do better in school.
The other lady thinks that splitting up the classes is only a "band-aid"
-->"Band-Aid"
to what the problem really is,
-->for the real problem.
she believes that the problem
-->She believes that the underlying problems
is how the size of classes, funding of the schools, how well the teachers are trained, technology availabilty.
-->are class size, funding, teacher training, and availability of technology.
There is evidence to prove that
-->There is evidence that
smaller classes and better trained teachers also helps change schools and the students grades.
-->smaller classes and better trained teachers improve academic performance whether in a single-sex or mixed-sex environment.
she says this helps students get more one-on-one time thus helping them learn better.
-->She say ["This" =?] [Redundant. Delete.]
This video is ordinally from MSNBC
-->the MSNBC
news channel and both
-->channel, and
of these people are reliable sources and talk about how research backs up both of their ideas how which way education method would help the students the most.
-->sources who are ...
-->[Wordy, run-on.] [How do you know they are "reliable sources"? Who are they?]
I believe that this is a good source because both women have research to back their ideas up,
-->to back up their ideas.
this helping
-->This helps
-->[Spelling: ARGUMENT]
-->[Sentence is wordy and redundant.]
to make their arguements stronger when there is research to support their ideas.